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A Pakistani guy, an Indian guy, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel. The old woman, beautiful girl and the Pakistani guy are sitting there looking perplexed. The Indian guy is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
The old woman is thinking: That Indian guy must have tried to kiss that girl and got slapped.
The Indian guy is thinking: "Damn it, that Pakistani guy must have tried to kiss the beautiful girl, she thought it was me and slapped me instead."
The beautiful girl is thinking: "That Indian guy must have moved to kiss me, but kissed the old lady instead and got slapped."
The Pakistani is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Indian guy again."
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Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bush land around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Afghanistan. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically un-patrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ! ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After 70, they become Albania . Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
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I'll keep an ACCOUNT of our love,
Based on DOUBLE-ENTRY.
This way you'll know the BALANCE c/d,
And the AMOUNT of love I have for you.
Our courtship, is carried out on WORKSHEET.
ADJUSTING ENTRIES are necessary, To make our love steady.
TRIAL BALANCE shows, We are meant for each other,
Because the TOTAL of our love, Is one and the same.
CLOSING ENTRIES are made, When down the aisle we take.
PROFIT & LOSS statement, tells what has happened.
Let's see our BALANCE SHEET,
What are our ASSETS & LIABILITIES?
Oh, my goodness! It shows a dozen kids!Back to Top
Migration from USA to Pakistan
Ever wonder what will happen if the reverse emigration happens and Americans rush to Pakistan!
SCENE: TWO AMERICANS AT IBM, USA.
Alex : Hi John, you didn't come to work yesterday?
John :Yeah, I was at the Pakistani Embassy trying to get a visa.
Alex : Oh really! What happened? I've heard that these days they have become very strict?
John : Yeah, but I managed to get it.
Alex : How long did it take to get it stamped?
John : Oh! It was a long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they really gave him a hard time the poor guy had even brought the property papers for his house in Seattle to show them that he will come back. I went there at 4 am to get in the queue and there were tons of people ahead of me!
Alex : Really? In Pakistan, at the US Embassy it only takes an hour to get a visa.
John : Yeah! But that's because who in Pakistan would want to come to the US except Americans who have now taken Pakistani nationality and want to bring their kids here.
Alex : So, when are you leaving?
John : As soon as I get my tickets from the company in Pakistan. I am so excited, I will be getting a chance to fly Pakistan International Airlines. Sort of a dream come true.
Alex : How long are you planning to stay in Pakistan?
John : What do you mean by how long? I will try and settle in Pakistan. My company has promised me that they will process my Green Book (Paki Passport)
Alex : Really! You lucky person, man, it is very difficult to get a Green Book in Pakistan. Last year my cousin and his family went there on a tourist visa and they are now not coming back.
John : Yeah, that's why, I am planning to marry a Pakistani girl there and then sponsor my parents and my brother and sister.
Alex : But you can find lot of American girls in Karachi & Lahore.
John : Yeah! but , I prefer Pakistani girls they are so much superior to ours and what a great tan!
Alex : What city are you going to?
John : Samarsatta, the company has it's office downtown, yeah, the salary is good but the cost of living is quite high because of all the people flocking to this high tech mecca.
Alex : I hear the exchange rate is now $100 for a Rupee! That's just too much! What about Quetta & Peshawar?
John : No idea, but it is cheaper than Samarsatta. It is like the world headquarters of technology.
Alex : I hear that the quality of life there is incredible?
John : Yes, you can get a BMW car for Rs 30,000, and a Mercedes for less than Rs 45,000, but my dream is to purchase Suzki FX-800, which costs Rs.90,000 but what a sexy design, great curves and it purrs to the touch!
Alex : Boy, sound like you would want to get it and take it to a motel!
Alex : By the way, which company are you going with?
John : Jallalpurjattan Technologies, a pure Pakistani company, specialized in embedded software.
Alex : Oh really! You are lucky to be able to work in a pure Pakistani company, they are really intelligent and unlike American body shops who have opened their fly by night outfits in Pakistan. Pakistani companies pay you even when you are on the bench. My friend Paul Allen used his bench time to visit the Makran coast, the most gorgeous place in Pakistan
John : Yeah man, you are right. I hope the US learns something from them and follows in their footsteps. It seems all we do is borrow more and more money from Askari Bank.
Alex : How are you going to cope with their language?
John : From my school days I've been learning Urdu. I always dreamed that one day I will go to Pakistan ever since my uncle brought me that T-shirt from Islamia College. At the consulate they tested my proficiency in Urdu and were quite impressed by my score in TOFUL i.e. Test of Foreign Urdu Language (like Tofel).
Alex : Boy! You are so lucky!
John : Yeah, I will be traveling in the world's fastest train, Tezgam, world's largest theme park, Charialand, and visit the famous Lollywood where you can see actors like, Nadeem, Shaan, Anjuman, Reema, and the not so sharif Barbara.
Alex : You know, Gen. Musharraf is scheduled to visit us next year and I hear that he may increase the number of visas.
John : That's true. Last month, Infosys - Naswar Khan Pakhtoon visited White House and donated Rs 20,000 for Infrastructure development at Silicon valley and has promised more if we follow the model of high tech city of Mian Chunnu and Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person.
Alex : Will you be visiting Dave? I hear that he has made it big there and now has a beautiful house on the Lyari river in Karachi.
Good luck John.!!!
John : Same to you Alex, and don't go to the Pakistani consulate in a Shalwar Kameez because they will think you are too Pakistanized and may doubt that will ever comeback and your application may be rejected. And, yes, don't forget to say Asalam-o- Alaikum, aap kaisay hain" to the visa officer it will show them that you are a cultured person.
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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grants me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said,
"Because you have been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish".
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord,
I have been married and divorced four times. All my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy". After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that
Bridge?!"
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? If you love someone
* Go get it ( Visa Power )
? Want to propose to a girl
* Just do it. ( Nike )
? Before going to propose to a girl
* Believe in the best ( BPL )
? If your girl asks you which dress to wear, u say
* Kuch nahi ( Pears )
? Not satisfied with your dates
* Yeh dil mangay more ( Pepsi )
? If you are going to propose to a girl, chances are......
* Na re na na,, 50-50 ( Britannia )
? A guy having a number of girlfriends
* A Complete Man ( Raymond's )
? If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
* Take it easy ( Limca )
? If you get married to a girl of your mother's choice
* Jiyo Meray Lal ( Brook Bond )
? If you want to get married to a girl of your choice, but your parents rejected her
* Zor ka Jhatka, Dhere se Lage ( Marinda )
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
"You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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A man placed an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy (sadly): "You're lucky, mine's still alive
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once
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O Allah......
Help me log on without fretting
Guide me as I'm interneting
Bless my downloading and uploading
Keep my browser from exploding
May my website be protected
Let not my password be rejected
Keep my line always connected
And may all my inputs be accepted
Please keep all my programs alive
And to remember to back up my harddrive
And protect my computer from a crashing dive
From a virus that would make it a nesting hive
Ameen!!Back to Top
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House," in French, is feminine-"la maison."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine-"le crayon."One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
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1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it. |
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The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
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1. In order to get their attention,
you have to turn them on; |
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What Happens in a Joint Family System?
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
Smart Man +
Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man +
Dumb Woman = Affair
Dumb Man +
Smart Woman = Marriage
Dumb Man +
Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC:
Smart Boss
+ Smart Employee = Profit
Smart Boss
+ Dumb Employee = Production
Dumb Boss +
Smart Employee = Promotion
Dumb Boss +
Dumb Employee = Overtime
SHOPPING MATH:
A Man Will
Pay $2 For A $1 Item He Needs.
A Woman
Will Pay $1 For A $2 Item That She Doesn't Need
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
A Woman
Worries About The Future Until She Gets A Husband
A Man Never
Worries About The Future Until He Gets A Wife
A
Successful Man Is One Who Makes More Money Than His Wife Can Spend.
A
Successful Woman Is One Who Can Find Such A Man
HAPPINESS:
To Be Happy
With A Man, You Must Understand Him A Lot And Love Him A Little.
To be happy
with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married Men Live Longer Than Single Men, But Married Men Are A Lot More
Willing To Die
Memory:
Propensity To Change:
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:
A Woman Has
The Last Word In Any Argument. Anything A Man Says After That Is The Beginning
Of A New Argument
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old Aunts
Used To Come Up To Me At Weddings, Poking Me In The Ribs And Cackling, Telling
Me, "YOU'RE NEXT".
They
Stopped After I Started Doing The Same Thing To Them At Funerals.
Send mail to
Amir Jamil with questions or
comments about this web site.
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